Walter the Madman
by hearttransplant
Summary: This is a Breaking Bad book that I wrote when I was bored. It kind of turned into something longer than a one-shot, so I decided to upload it. Walt is a criminal. He cooks meth with his less-than-friend Jesse. Walter gets into many shenanigans, some minor and some very dangerous. Forgive me for the inaccuracy because I only saw 1 season of Breaking Bad when I began to write it.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

Walter was making…. "product" in his lab with Jesse.  
"Hmm." Walt put a pan of water onto the burner and waited for it to boil.

"What are you doing?" Jesse asked him.

"Uhhh, making meth, what do you think!? I know what I'm doing!" Walter yelled. He coughs.

"No-" Jesse started.

"Shut up!" he screamed.

The water was boiling. He grabbed the red phosphorous.

"NO-" Jesse yelled. Too late. Walter dumped it into the water. _BOOM!_

The mixture exploded.

"AH!" Walter yelled. Fire was spraying out of the window, and onto the bug tent. The tent caught fire!

"No!" Jesse hollered. He was smoking a cigarette earlier, and opened the window to throw into the flowerbed, but had forgotten to close the window.

"Jesse!" Walter roared angrily as the fire died down in the pan.

"WHAT?" Jesse shouted. The tent was still blazing.  
"Why didn't you close the freaking window?" he said in a panic, shutting it.

"I don't know! I just FORGOT, okay?"

"YOU WORTHLESS JUNKIE! YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" Walter sprinted outside. Half of the tent was totally engulfed in flames. He heard sirens coming their way.

Walter leapt into the front seat of the car and sped down the road with Jesse in the passenger's seat.

"That's $800,000 WORTH of equipment and chemicals we left back there!" Walter said, coughing.

"I know, okay? I ruined it all, right? Jesse responded, mad as usual.

"But you HAD to forget to close the window! I knew going into another person's house to cook was a terrible idea. You MORON!"

"Well, you're the one that said-"

 **BOOOOOM!** An explosion rocked the whole neighborhood.

"-that it was a good idea…" Jesse said.

Walt slammed on the breaks, looking behind him. The house was completely covered in fire. Several police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances were outside the house. The firemen were using the hose to spray the building with water.

"What are you doing? _DRIVE!_ " Jesse shouted.

"STOP ORDERING ME AROUND! I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!" The car was going 70 mph, but he kept his foot on the accelerator. Walt sped onto a highway. Finally, he realized he was going too fast, and slowed down.

"Oops." Walter said, going 55 mph on the interstate. After driving for 20 minutes, a semi truck suddenly appeared directly in front of them, speeding towards his car. "AHHHH!" Walt swerved violently into the next lane. The force of turning made him slam his head against the window by accident. "Ow!" The semi truck disappeared.

"Hey, man, what did you do that for!?" Jesse shouted, rubbing his head, which was bleeding from a cut from Walter veering into the next lane.

"I thought that there was a truck speeding towards us, THAT'S WHY!" he said, starting to drive again.  
"YOU ARE STUPID, WHY ARE YOU HALLUCINATING?!" Jesse asked crossly.

"I do not know. Can you drive?" Walter requested.

"I _guess_."

After a few minutes, Walt pulled into a rest area and parked. He checked his watch. 6:21 pm.

"My wife will be wondering where I'm at." he said, annoyed.

"Well, she already wants a divorce." Jesse replied.

"Thanks for the reminder." Walter responded scornfully. He exited the car and got a drink from the vending machine and walked back over to the passenger's side of the car. Jesse was still in there.

"Aren't you going to get out of the car, you blockhead?" Walt questioned.  
"Oh, yeah." Jesse went to the other side of the car and got into the drivers seat.  
"Do you even know how to drive?" he asked.

"Yes…" Jesse said, closing the door and starting the car. Walter got in and closed the door, opening his drink. "Can I have a sip?"

"No."

"Fine." Jesse started to drive towards his house.

"This is my car, so do not crash it." Walter said. He drank half of his can of soda.

"Okay, obviously." Jesse sped towards his house.

Once they reached Jesse's house, Walter got out of the car and ran into Jesse's house and wandered around. Then he looked at the floor.

"Hmm." There was a little stain from when the acid ate through the bottom of the bathtub and dropped the dead body through.

Walter accidentally dropped his can of soda onto the ground. "Oops." Jesse ran up to him.

"Hey, man, I just swept!" he exclaimed angrily.

"I will clean it up." Walt picked up the can. There was still a little left in it. He went and got a washcloth.

At 8:00 he took his car and drove home. He parked in the driveway and entered his house.  
"Hello, Walter." Sky said.

"Hello, honey." Walter replied.  
"Do not call me honey."  
"Okay, okay." Walter went to bed.

The next day, Walter got up and ate breakfast. Before he left, he tried to give Sky a kiss on the cheek, but she ran away, so he just left without giving her one. He got into his car and drove over to the place where he keeps his supplies. He loaded up his trunk with boxes of bottles and chemicals and stuff, and drove over to Jesse's house. He grabbed a box and knocked on Jesse's door. Jesse opened the door.

"Why are you bringing that stuff here?" he asked.  
"Well, I was going to ask if we could just use your basement to cook in."

"Ummm, I don't think so." Jesse said. Just then, Walter's cell phone rang. He put the box on the ground and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE #&^%? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!? I LOST MY %*(%ING JOB BECAUSE OF YOU!" Todd screamed.

"UM, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, OKAY!?" Walter coughed. "LOOK, I WILL-"

"NO! I NEED TO PAY RENT AND BUY FOOD AND PAY MY BILLS! THAT JOB WAS MY ONLY SOURCE OF CASH!" Todd yelled.

"GET A JOB AT MCDONALD'S!" Walter hung up. "Okay, we will cook in your basement."

"Hey, I never gave you permission! And who was that? Your wife?" Jesse asked.

"No, it was Todd."

"Oh."

"So where else can we cook!? I'm not going to make drugs in a department store, that's for sure."

"Okay. Fine, we will use my basement." Jesse relents.

"THANK YOU." Walter replies, irritated. He picks up the box and takes it downstairs. "It's dark down here."

"I have lights, you know." Jesse said.

"Well, turn them on!" Walt shouted up the stairs.

"They are burnt out."

"Ugh." Walter groaned. "Do you have any light bulbs?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I need them so I can vacuum up these cobwebs. Jesse, I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, THAT'S WHY! I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD HAVE ABSORBED AT LEAST SOME INFORMATION WHEN YOU WENT TO SCHOOL!"

"Okay, okay!" Jesse went into his kitchen to get them.  
Walter dropped the box onto the ground and waited.

Finally, Jesse came back and screwed in the light bulb. Now the basement was dimly lit.

"Give me the rest of them." Walter commanded. Jesse tossed the box down the stairs and he caught it. Then he screwed in the rest of the bulbs.

After they cooked some, Walter decided that HE wanted to sell the meth this time.  
"Can I sell it?"

"I guess so. Someone I know named Keith wants to buy some."

"Okay, where do I meet him?"

"In the alley at the shopping center on Egg Avenue. Do you want me to come with you?"

"Sure." Walter picked up the bags of methamphetamines and stuffed them into the duffel bag. "Do you want to drive?"

"No."

"Okay." Walter ran up the stairs with the bags, walked outside and put them into the backseat of the car and got into the driver's seat.

"Are you sure you aren't going to crash?" Jesse asked.

"I do not know. If you were are concerned about your safety, I suggest that you drive."  
"Um, I'll only drive if you start to swerve around or something."

"Alright." Walter pulled out of the driveway and started heading towards their destination.

"What does this guy look like?"

"He has orange hair." Walter drove by the alley at Egg Ave. He saw someone with orange hair, so he pulled over there. He opened the trunk and got the duffel bags and ran into the alley.  
"Walt! That's Hank!" Jesse shouted.

"Hehehe. Nice joke, Jesse!" Walter laughed, running towards Keith. "How much do you want to buy?"

Suddenly 'Keith' turned into Hank. "You're under arrest!"

"RUN!" Jesse shouted. Walter dropped the bags and grabbed his handgun from his pocket. He whacked Hank in the head very hard. _CRACK!_ Hank fell on the ground.

"Aghh.." Walter stomped his head a few times then leapt into the car and sped off.


	2. Chapter 2

_**2**_

Walter White, who was driving, and Jesse Pinkman were speeding over to Jesse's house after Walt attacked Hank. They hit a speed bump and the car soared into the air like a bird.

"AHH!" Walter screamed. The vehicle crashed to the floor and bounced. It landed again with a _thud_.

" _MR. WHITE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_ " Jesse screamed as Walter put his foot on the accelerator. They were going above 90 miles per hour on the interstate. They were gradually gaining speed. "SLOW DOWN!" he exclaimed.

"NO!" Walter looked behind him and several police cars were trailing behind the vehicle. "$* #!" he exclaimed, slowing down.

"NO USE SLOWING DOWN, NOW! _SPEED UP_ , FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Jesse shrieked.

"Jesse, BE **QUIET**!" Walter responded, slapping him in the face.

"OW, MAN!"

Walter slammed on the accelerator again. In a moment, they reached 100 mph. He swerved out of the way of cars in his path. Jesse looked at the mirror. The police were still on their tail, but not as close as before. Walter took an exit and sped over to Jesse's house.

Walt swerved into his driveway. It was almost dark outside. "Get out of the car!" he ordered.

"Whatever!" Jesse said. He opened the door and got out of the car.  
"Don't come out of your house for a few days. Clean up everything just in case the police come. One thing. If anything happens, call me and I'll tell you what to do." Walter White commanded.

"Alright!" Walt backed up and drove full speed towards his house.

Once he pulled into the driveway, Walter made sure everything was in order. He exited the car and walked up to the door. He opened it and walked inside. Skyler, Walter Jr, and the baby were having dinner.  
"Hello, Skyler. Hello, _FLYNN._ " Walt said. He didn't say it with contempt, but he thought about throwing his hat at Walter Jr. because he did not like that name.  
"Hi, Walter." Skyler greeted with obvious disdain. Walter put his hat and coat on the rack.

"Hi, Dad." Walter Jr. said inanely.

"Am I late for dinner?" he asked.  
"Nope, I just served it. Your plate is over here." Skyler pointed at the placemat next to her, which the plate of food was on, along with a drink.

"Thank you." He sat down and ate dinner.

"No problem. So, what did you do today?" Skyler confronted even though she already knows that he cooks meth.  
"Um... I walked around... at the park." Walter stated.

"Oh. That is _nice_." she spat. They continued eating. The baby threw some food.

"Don't do that, sweetie." Walt ordered. Sky shot him a glare.

"She is my baby." she declared.

"I know that, but she is mine, too." Walter stated, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Walter, I will file for a divorce and request custody of _my_ daughter." Skyler threatened. Just then, Walt's phone rang. He looked at it. It was Jesse.  
"Excuse me." Walter said frustratedly. He got up went into the kitchen, answering the phone. "What do you want?" he asked Jesse quietly.

"THERE ARE COP CARS, LIKE, SURROUNDING MY HOUSE!" Jesse screamed on the other end loud enough for Skyler and Walter Jr. to hear. They didn't catch any words though.  
"Umm." Walt walked into his bedroom to talk. "Well, can you go out the backyard and make a run for it?" he asked.  
"Yeah."

"Did you clean up the lab?!" he yelled.

"Yes!"

"Then run!" Walt hung up and went back to dinner.

"Who was that?" Junior asked.

"Oh, wrong number." Walter forced a laugh. "You know, they thought I was a florist. Heh. Heh heh." He sat down at the table, picking up a chicken leg and started to gnaw on it.

"Wha-what was that? About a lab... lab or something?" "Flynn" asked. Saying that the inquery took him by surprise would be and understatement.. He inhaled a chunk of bone from the chicken and started to choke loudly.

Walt put both hands on his neck. Skyler and Walter Jr. looked at him, kind of disturbed. His face was turning blue. Finally, Skyler got up and gave him the heimlich maneuver. The bone flew out of Walter's mouth and onto Walter Jr.'s plate.  
"Ew!" he exclaimed. Walt could breathe again.

"Thank you honey-sweetie-sugar." he exclaimed thankfully. Sky grimaced at him before responding.

"You are most _welcome_." she said detestfully.

"Dad, look what you did." Junior complained. He pointed at his plate of chicken, Rice-a-Roni and creamed corn, where the half of a leg bone that Walt spat out landed.  
"I am sorry." he replied before proceeding to continue eating.  
"You can go get yourself another plate, Flynn." Sky smiled.  
"Thanks, Mom." He grabbed his crutches and got more food, and threw away the other plate. Walter scowled at him and ate the rest of his food. Then he got up and went outside a while later. He called Jesse.

"Hello?"  
"Yes, this is Walter White speaking..."

"I knew that, what do you want?"

"Did you escape?" Walt questioned.

"Nooo." Jesse said.

"Where are you at?"

"My house, they were actually no cops. I just had a nightmare." Jesse explained.  
"UGH!" Walter scoffed. "DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN! MY FAMILY HEARD YOU."  
"Okay, sorry." Walter hung up and went back inside. He walked to his and Skyler's room and went to bed.

In the morning, Walter woke up and realized Skyler was awake already. He glanced at the alarm clock on his night stand. It was 7:31 a.m. He pondered for a moment.

"The last few days have been rather unproductive." Walt said to himself. "Heh. Get it? UnPRODUCTive?" He chuckled and got up and went to the kitchen, deciding that he would go to Jesse's house to cook if needed.

"Good morning, _WALT_." Skyler greeted with her usual undertones of disgust.

"Hello, Sky-Sky!" Walter smiled, quite jolly. She stared at him with repulsion.

"What are you so _joyful_ this morning?" Skyler asked hatefully.  
"Be _cause_ , you silly bean, I just am! Do you have a problem with that, Sky-Sky-Cupcake-Frosting-Sugar-Cake-Honey-Bun?" He grinned. She glowered at him.

"You-"

Shortcut to 20 minutes later, Walter had been kicked out of the house. Skyler was calling and filing for a divorce, and all Walt had was one of those big cases that is on wheels that you roll around. It was full of his stuff. He was on the porch. He frowned, having seen this coming. Heisenburg walked over to his car, put the case in the trunk, and got into the driver's seat. Then he drove off.

A while later, he reached the apartment building and walked in. There was a manager guy that worked there in the lobby place.  
"Hello, do you live here?" the guy asked.

"No."  
"Well, get out then."  
"But I want to buy an apartment." Walter stated.

"Oh, that will be $50,000."  
"Okay." Walt went into his suitcase and got $50,000 out of it. "Here you go." He gave him the wads of cash.

"Thank you, here is your key." The manager gave it to him and Walter looked at it. It said 4 on it. He assumed that that was the room number and took the elevator to the first floor and walked over to his room. Walt opened the door and went in. It was furnished, which made him happy. He unpacked and called Jesse.  
"Hello!" Walter said happily.  
"YO MR. WHITE! WHAT'S UP!?" Jesse shrieked.

"Do not say that word!" Walt yelled, his mood diminished.  
"What word? White? Up? Mr.? What's?" he responded.

" _SLANG_ , Jesse! Don't use it. It is improfessional." Walt commanded.

"I didn't use slang, meanie!" Jesse insisted.

He sighed. "You said... 'yo'." Walter stated with a grimace.

"OHHH... I thought slang was some kind of new drug or something."

Walt facepalmed. "No, it means words that are made up. Like 'yo' or 'moolah' or something." he explained.  
"Oh, okay. SO, Mr. White... What were you calling for?" Jesse asked.

"Well, to say I got kicked out of my house..."

"Aww, man... Skyler's a real-" He hesitated. "Yeah, a real... jerk."

"No, she isn't, she just doesn't like me cooking meth." Walter stated.  
"Well, she didn't like you before that." Jesse said.

"Oh, well."  
"You can come live with me!"  
"No. I already got an apartment." Heisenburg said.

"Oh, okay! I see what you're saying! You hate me! And the only reason you ever talk to me is so you can cook meth!" Jesse screeched on the other end.

"WELL, only some of that is true! I would not be friends with you if I wasn't cooking, thats for sure! And I only hate you 80% of the time! AND I wouldn't live with you even if I was homeless because you are just an annoying drug addict." Walt retorted. He hung up with a smirk, feeling very satisfied with the comeback he made. Walter sat down on the couch and turned on the television. There were only a few channels. He turned on a soap oprah.  
"Brad, I did not kiss him." some lady said.

"But I _saw_ you!" Brad cried. Walter changed the channel to the news.

"Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches... Are they racist?" a reporter was saying.  
"Ugh." Walt turned off the TV and grabbed a magazine off of the coffee table and started reading. He saw that the headline said Zayn Malik was leaving One Direction. He started sobbing uncontrollably. "Why did he have to leave!?" he shrieked. Just then, Zayn appeared in front of him.

"Hello, Walter!" he said in his accent.  
"Zayn! What are you doing here? Come back to One Direction. The fans miss you!"  
"I am not Zayn." Walt blinked and Zayn disappeared, being replaced by the apartment manager.

"Oh. _You_." he exclaimed with disgust.

"Yes, I was just seeing how you were settling in."

"Bad. Why do you have to have _this_ magazine in here!? Do you _have_ to make sure everyone knows of this terrible thing that has happened?!" Walter hollered, stifling a sob.  
"I'm not in charge of that! I can give you a different magazine if you'd like though." the manager offered.  
"NO! Just... T-TAKE IT AWAY!" He threw the magazine at him. "GO! GO AWAY!" The guy scampered away.


End file.
